VOTE!

It seems kind of stupid that we're fighting two wars in the name of democracy yet we have one of the lowest voter turn out rates. GO VOTE DAMNIT! I don't care who you vote for just vote.

I'm done.

My heart is pounding. My hands are shaking. My tears are flowing. I don't know what to do. Why do I feel like this? Why am I so messed up? Why am I tormented in my dreams with things that were but never will be again? I hate that I feel like this. I hate that I'm even writing about it. I hate that I don't have anyone to share these emotions with. I feel alone. I feel desperate. I feel hopeless. I feel like if my family doesn't leave the fucking house soon so that I can go running I will blow up. I feel immature. I feel like a moron. I feel like a failure. I am done. What am I supposed to do? What changes to my life should I be making? How can I become a different person so that I don't feel like this anymore? Why does it work like this? Why the FUCK did I ever leave Ghana? My mom said "Maybe we can figure out a way for you to stay for the rest of the summer." I responded "No, I need to come home." that is probably the stupidest thing I could have said. Life in Ghana = love, happiness, purpose. Life in Utah = hell. I hate that I bottle everything up. On August 20, 2008 I put everything into a bottle sealed it tight, and now it is exploding and getting my pillow and shirt pretty wet and salty. Why do I do this? Why can't I cry for more than 2 minutes at a time? Why does it have to be an all or nothing situation for my emotions? I need to get out of this god forsaken state. I just need to go. And now that my family has finally left for church I can go running, hopefully that will help.

Pushing Daisies

Pushing Daisies is my favorite show right now. It is so different than anything that is on T.V. right now. I love the quick, smart dialog and the vibrant, colorfulness of it. There is nothing on T.V. quite like it. I've heard it described as a hybrid between Tim Burton and Dr. Suess. I think that is definitely an accurate description. There are moments as I watch when I'm like hey that totally applies to me! Like this dialog between Chuck and Alfredo Aldarisio:

Alfredo Aldarisio: Did you say depressing? [opens it up] FDA-approved, pharmaceutical-grade herbology.

Chuck: Like a bully for your emotions.

Alfredo Aldarisio: Emotions need to be bullied. Indulging depression is like indulging a horrible, willful child. If they’re allowed to run roughshod, you’ll find yourself catering to its every whim. So, bully it and bully it good.

Chuck: Everyone needs to be bullied sometimes. Do you have any literature?

Everyone needs to start watching this show so that it doesn't get cancelled. It really is an amazing show!

Ghana loves Barack!

I often had the same conversation with Ghanaian taxi drivers, shop owners, rastas, and even some of the older orphans. The conversation went like this.

Ghanaian: What country do you come from?
Me: America
Ghanaian: Do you support Barack Obama?
Me: Of course! Do you?
Ghanaian: Yes, he will bring money to Africa.

While I don't know if their belief that Obama will bring all the money to Africa is true, I did find their excitment and support for Obama awesome.

Here's the Barack Obama song by Blakk Rasta. Gilbert loved to introduce all the new volunteers to the Barack Obama song. (it has also become my morning wake up song)

Enjoy.

Perfect Remedy for a bad day

Today sucks. In an effort to lift my spirits I'm going to talk about the one thing that makes me truly happy right now, and that is the kids in Africa. I don't think I can ever convey the profound and lasting impression these kids left on me. Even though I am not with the kids physically every day. I carry them with me where ever I go. They will forever be a part of me. I miss the kids more than I have ever missed anything, and on this extra shitty day I am going to talk about them.

If you've read previous posts then you know about Kelvin. In the video below I am having a conversation with Kelvin in the few English words he knows. If you listen at the very beginning you can hear him calling me "Auntie Taylah" There's a funny story behind that name. I was trying to teach Kelvin how to say my name and it started out as just "T" then we graduated to Taylor. One day at the school I was getting all the kids rounded up so we could go back to the toddler's compound to get changed out of school uniforms. Kelvin neeed help with his shoes so he yelled "Auntie Taylah!" I was surprised because he had never called me this before. Kelvin realized his mistake and started laughing. He thought this was the funniest thing ever, as did Jessica (co-volunteer) and I. So the name stuck. I was known throughout the orphanage with all the kids as "Auntie Taylah". I miss walking into the orphanage and being greeted with a chorus of "Obruni!" and "Auntie Taylah" from all the kids. As soon as they saw us coming there would be shreiks, cheers and lots of little arms wrapped around my legs.

One of my most favorite and most vivid memories is of Kofi's laugh. He didn't laugh often but when he did it was infectious and one of the best laughs I know of. Sorry this video is dark. I took it right before bed time so it was dark. Turn your volume way up and listen to Kofi's laugh. If his laugh doesn't at least make you smile I will pay you a million dollars. It gets me every time.

To the kids at Osu Children's Home: I miss you. I love you all. And I will be back. Hopefully soon.