Seth. The Boyfriend.

“Hey, wanna go steady?” I casually ask Seth as we stroll down the street arm in arm on a brisk December evening.

“Sure,” he replies. “Does that mean I get to fart around you, fight over the remote control, and tell you the truth when you ask me if you look fat?”

“Yup! I think this is going to work out just fine, Seth.”

Seth has strong arms, a chiseled jaw line, high cheek bones and a mind quicker than Stephen Colbert’s. He can be easily mistaken as a Greek God. We met in a coffee shop on a cold November afternoon.

*queue flashback sound effect*

I’m sipping my tall mocha and listening to “A Lovely Way to Spend Christmas” on my iPod when I notice a certain presence enter the room. I look around searching for its source when my eyes lock with this tall, dark and handsome man’s. After ordering his Venti caramel macchiato (low fat, no whip) he makes his way over to my table. “Is this seat available?” He asks.

“Of course,” I reply.

“What are you listening to?” He asks.

“The new Kristin Chenoweth Christmas album.”

“Oh, my goodness I love Kristin Chenoweth. I watch Pushing Daisies religiously. I can’t believe it is going off the air.”

“I know America just needs to pull its head out, stop watching stupid shows like “Lost” and recognize quality entertainment.”

“You said it!” He agrees. “My name’s Seth. What’s yours?”

“Taylor.” I search for something to talk about, anything. What on earth can I have in common with this gorgeous piece of man meat standing in front of me? I go with the proverbial “Do you come here often?”

“No, I just moved here from Seattle to take a job working with refugee families from Darfur.”
“Wow, that’s incredible! The pay must be pretty dismal though.”

“Yeah, but that’s ok. I inherited a large sum of money when my grandpa died. He invented post-its.”

A man with heart, drive, a career, AND money?! How could this have happened to me?

“I’ve gotta run I have some appointments to get to. What’s your phone number? I’ll call you and we can get together some time.”

I scrawl down my number on a napkin and give it to him with a toothy smile.
The best thing about this relationship is that it produces absolutely no stress. I am free to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I don’t have to worry about who pays for dates or who will initiate sexual contact, and the awkwardness that can entail. I don’t have the dent in my paycheck that a relationship usually produces. And I never ever have to compromise. The very best thing about this relationship is that it’s not real. It’s a figment of my imagination. So let me introduce you all to my imaginary boyfriend, Seth. He embodies everything I want in a boyfriend without the emotional and financial cost on my end. One day I’ll find the real life version of Seth, but for now the imaginary version works just fine for me.