VOTE!

It seems kind of stupid that we're fighting two wars in the name of democracy yet we have one of the lowest voter turn out rates. GO VOTE DAMNIT! I don't care who you vote for just vote.

I'm done.

My heart is pounding. My hands are shaking. My tears are flowing. I don't know what to do. Why do I feel like this? Why am I so messed up? Why am I tormented in my dreams with things that were but never will be again? I hate that I feel like this. I hate that I'm even writing about it. I hate that I don't have anyone to share these emotions with. I feel alone. I feel desperate. I feel hopeless. I feel like if my family doesn't leave the fucking house soon so that I can go running I will blow up. I feel immature. I feel like a moron. I feel like a failure. I am done. What am I supposed to do? What changes to my life should I be making? How can I become a different person so that I don't feel like this anymore? Why does it work like this? Why the FUCK did I ever leave Ghana? My mom said "Maybe we can figure out a way for you to stay for the rest of the summer." I responded "No, I need to come home." that is probably the stupidest thing I could have said. Life in Ghana = love, happiness, purpose. Life in Utah = hell. I hate that I bottle everything up. On August 20, 2008 I put everything into a bottle sealed it tight, and now it is exploding and getting my pillow and shirt pretty wet and salty. Why do I do this? Why can't I cry for more than 2 minutes at a time? Why does it have to be an all or nothing situation for my emotions? I need to get out of this god forsaken state. I just need to go. And now that my family has finally left for church I can go running, hopefully that will help.

Pushing Daisies

Pushing Daisies is my favorite show right now. It is so different than anything that is on T.V. right now. I love the quick, smart dialog and the vibrant, colorfulness of it. There is nothing on T.V. quite like it. I've heard it described as a hybrid between Tim Burton and Dr. Suess. I think that is definitely an accurate description. There are moments as I watch when I'm like hey that totally applies to me! Like this dialog between Chuck and Alfredo Aldarisio:

Alfredo Aldarisio: Did you say depressing? [opens it up] FDA-approved, pharmaceutical-grade herbology.

Chuck: Like a bully for your emotions.

Alfredo Aldarisio: Emotions need to be bullied. Indulging depression is like indulging a horrible, willful child. If they’re allowed to run roughshod, you’ll find yourself catering to its every whim. So, bully it and bully it good.

Chuck: Everyone needs to be bullied sometimes. Do you have any literature?

Everyone needs to start watching this show so that it doesn't get cancelled. It really is an amazing show!

Ghana loves Barack!

I often had the same conversation with Ghanaian taxi drivers, shop owners, rastas, and even some of the older orphans. The conversation went like this.

Ghanaian: What country do you come from?
Me: America
Ghanaian: Do you support Barack Obama?
Me: Of course! Do you?
Ghanaian: Yes, he will bring money to Africa.

While I don't know if their belief that Obama will bring all the money to Africa is true, I did find their excitment and support for Obama awesome.

Here's the Barack Obama song by Blakk Rasta. Gilbert loved to introduce all the new volunteers to the Barack Obama song. (it has also become my morning wake up song)

Enjoy.

Perfect Remedy for a bad day

Today sucks. In an effort to lift my spirits I'm going to talk about the one thing that makes me truly happy right now, and that is the kids in Africa. I don't think I can ever convey the profound and lasting impression these kids left on me. Even though I am not with the kids physically every day. I carry them with me where ever I go. They will forever be a part of me. I miss the kids more than I have ever missed anything, and on this extra shitty day I am going to talk about them.

If you've read previous posts then you know about Kelvin. In the video below I am having a conversation with Kelvin in the few English words he knows. If you listen at the very beginning you can hear him calling me "Auntie Taylah" There's a funny story behind that name. I was trying to teach Kelvin how to say my name and it started out as just "T" then we graduated to Taylor. One day at the school I was getting all the kids rounded up so we could go back to the toddler's compound to get changed out of school uniforms. Kelvin neeed help with his shoes so he yelled "Auntie Taylah!" I was surprised because he had never called me this before. Kelvin realized his mistake and started laughing. He thought this was the funniest thing ever, as did Jessica (co-volunteer) and I. So the name stuck. I was known throughout the orphanage with all the kids as "Auntie Taylah". I miss walking into the orphanage and being greeted with a chorus of "Obruni!" and "Auntie Taylah" from all the kids. As soon as they saw us coming there would be shreiks, cheers and lots of little arms wrapped around my legs.

One of my most favorite and most vivid memories is of Kofi's laugh. He didn't laugh often but when he did it was infectious and one of the best laughs I know of. Sorry this video is dark. I took it right before bed time so it was dark. Turn your volume way up and listen to Kofi's laugh. If his laugh doesn't at least make you smile I will pay you a million dollars. It gets me every time.

To the kids at Osu Children's Home: I miss you. I love you all. And I will be back. Hopefully soon.

Love it!

Cats

Anbody who knows me well knows that I am a sucker for musicals. My iPod is full of soundtracks from my favorite musicals. Some of my favorites are Wicked, West Side Story, The Sound of Music, Hairspray, Joseph and the Amazing Technical Dream Coat, Evita, Pretty Woman, Fiddler on the Roof, and Sweeney Todd just to name a few. Saturday night the family and I went to Cats at Capital Theater. Cats is the longest running play in Broadway history. I had never seen it so I was excited to see it for the first time. The singing, dancing, make up, and costumes were all absolutely amazing. My favorite songs were Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats and Memory. After watching Cats I can't wait to see Wicked this spring. Here's a video of Memory performed by the original Broadway cast.



My other favorite was Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats.

I want YOU!

I am very happy to have the opportunity to be a Co Director for the Kid's Book Club Program at The Road Home. Part of my job as Co Director is to get some volunteers for the program. So I am calling on you, who ever is reading this blog. Book Club happens every Monday night at The Road Home which is located at 210 South Rio Grande Street (455 West) Salt Lake City, Utah 84101. The Kid's Book Club is a great way to get involved and make a difference in our community. The goal of the program is to help children ages 5-12 gain an interest and love for reading. Volunteers will read one on one with a couple of kids, then come together and read a fun group book. Afterward, art and/or snack activities centered on the theme or characters in the group story follow to reinforce the enjoyment of reading. Volunteers should come with an open mind and a love for reading and kids. I should warn you up front that it can get chaotic. If you like nice well mannered children who only speak when spoken to, then this program probably isn't for you. Volunteers should be able to work effectively with these awesome kids and be positive role models and examples. I mentioned in a previous post about the insane number of famlies living at the shelter (last week there were 20 families in crisis shelter, meaning not in a room of their own). As a result of the increase in families there is also an increase in kids coming to Book Club. We need all the help we can get. I hope to see you there. If you have more questions you can e-mail me at taylorhorn@hotmail.com.

Amazing!

This is absolutely my favorite thing right now.

Memories

Why is it that you never really have a true appreciation of a person or place until they are gone? When I miss a place or a person it is the very small things that get to me the most. I miss smells, sounds, words, sensations and feelings. Feelings of contentment, feelings of love, feelings of thinking I know what the future holds for me. Life has a way of keeping you on your toes. As soon as you feel like everything is as it should be, something always happens to destroy this feeling. I used to think I knew what the future held in store for me. The simple truth is, I don't. I never will, and that's ok. I can appreciate what I have right now; celebrate who I am right now, because tomorrow is a new day with new events, new people and new experiences. While the future is always new and exciting, memories are always there to remind you of the past. Memories are strange. The smallest smell or faintest sound can bring a faded memory back to vibrant multi color in an instant. I love memories. They can be painful (even the good ones) but they are mine. No one else's. They are mine to be dusted off and revisted like an old photograph. Memories have the ability to change my day. I can be walking along and smell a cologne, see a landmark, or hear a song and the rest of my day is thrown into a pot overflowing with an eclectic mix of emotions. Sometimes it gets to be too much and that's where releases come in: tennis, running, writing, and crying (or a combinations of these). I have learned that when a memory is painful, ride it out. because there just may be a pleasant one hiding in there somewhere. A memory which forces a smile onto your face no matter where you are. Those are the best memories I possess.