Breaking News: Homophobes Give to Homos

In these economically woeful times everyone needs to be doing their part. Today, my family and I did our part to support the gay and transgendered community of New York. Although my parents have a gay son, they still remain one of the most anti-gay and homophobic people I know. So I always giggle when an awkward homosexual situation presents itself on tv, at the mall or wherever else we may be. So imagine my delight as they clap for and donate to the prancing homos. I need to give a little background here.

We wanted to see Hairspray on Broadway so we entered our names into the lottery to get cheap tickets, you enter your name in and if they draw your name you get 2 front row tickets at $26.50 a piece. We’d heard that Hairspray is a sure fire show to get into with the lottery, but since this week has been tourist central we didn’t really have a chance. As we wallowed in our failure we decided to go to Ellen’s Stardust Diner on Broadway where your servers pimp out their talent in order to get a few tips. That’s pretty much as good as a Broadway show right? The first thing I noticed, after the long line, was the flamers prancing around belting tunes and waiting tables. Sister #1 has been to the restaurant a few times before and befriended one of the servers. The server she befriended, to my astonishment, was King of the Flamers, complete with a limp wrist, lisp, and perfectly coiffed hair. As they passed the microphone around between servers I noticed that they all shared these flaming traits. I began adding little side comments to whatever the family was saying. My mom would say “Wow, look how big he can open his mouth!”

“I’ll bet that comes in handy,” was my response.

Pointing out that these guys are flamers does not take away from the fact that they have immense talent, and I’m sure they are very nice, respectable people. It was just interesting to see my family’s reaction to them. With me, if I bring up anything “gay” their faces go stony and all conversations stop. But here they are clapping their hands and singing along with the gays. After a few enthusiastic numbers, one of the servers announced that a “singer’s donation bucket” would be going around to gather small donations for their singing careers. As my mom threw a few dollars into the bucket all I could think was that once the servers divided up their shares one of them was bound to go out and use that money to buy their next pair of leather chaps or the latest and greatest sex swing.

I also made a new friend today.

I named her Laila Rose the Transgendered Human Statue. She would constantly change her poses at an excruciatintly sluggish pace. Laila Rose the Transgendered Human Statue, would also giggle in delight and tap you with her flower if you dropped money into her box. I have never been presented with a better reason to give a dollar.

She gave me her heart. I will cherish it forever.